Clarity

 

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After reading the sweetest, most positive posts from the lovely Milli Grace, I decided to put something really positive up on my blog.

When having a conversation the other day, someone asked me what I’d done through the week.

I went on to explain about my stomach cramps, my anxiety, my fear of having a panic attack, how little I’d slept and how much I’d worried. She grimaced and said, “So, not a good week then?” And as I went to sadly nod, I realised I’d actually done more than I’d mentioned. I’d been to Leeds and had lunch out, I’d met a friend for coffee, I’d been to a farm shop with my mum, I’d had a nice day shopping on Friday.

My friend laughed and said, “So, why didn’t you say all that first?”

And I realised that this is something I do¬†all the time. I always focus on the negative factors of my day, instead of realising that I’d actually had a lovely week and had spoken to a lot of lovely people. I remembered the quote “Did you have a bad day, or a bad few minutes that you obsessed over all day?” and realised how apt it was.

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I left the conversation with a sudden spring in my step, and I realised I was the happiest I’d been in months. I felt actual joy. It was like a weight had been lifted. I got home, gave my mum a cuddle, made myself a snack and didn’t berate myself for eating. I even treated myself and didn’t feel overwhelmingly¬†guilty.

I won’t lie and say that feeling has stuck, and that I’m cured of this cloud, but just knowing that it was possible to feel like that again was incredible. I felt ready and able to be a support system, instead of needing one. That was the greatest feeling of all.

I guess this is a post to point out to those who are feeling lost in the dark, that there is that light. There is an end to this. And we’ll all get there.

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