Over the last few months, my anxiety has hit an all new level of bad. That awful mixture of cold sweats, heart racing, stomach churning… and when you can’t identify the cause of your anxiety, it’s awful. But it can be even worse when you can identify it – because then you obsess, you dwell, you pull conversations apart, you count calories. And it’s hard to rationalise anything.
My issues with food/body image is something I’ve only recently identified as an actual problem, something triggered by my anxiety and stress. I act cocky and confident, I pretend like I don’t care, I’m a selfie Queen, but really I care too much and it’s affecting my life. My recent health issues give me perfect excuses to limit my food intake, and I’m trying to get a grasp on that, but it’s so difficult.
I try to remind myself that I’m not alone, and that there are people out there who are supporting me, but sometimes it just doesn’t help. I can honestly say my only true relief at the moment is blogging, and the community that comes with it. I feel better reading about people who understand what it’s like. If I log onto Facebook, my anxiety is through the roof. I’m terrified. Everyone I know on there is just too close and that scares me.
But checking Twitter, Bloglovin’, WordPress… I have this instant sense of calm wash over me. Because I have people who really know what it’s like to have these awful feelings we sometimes can’t control, and they save me from my thoughts, almost every day.
There isn’t much of a point to this post. I’m just having a really bad anxiety day, my chest is tight and I’m trying not to panic over absolutely nothing.
It’s just a big thank you to the people who just get it. I really do love you.