So, apparently, I’m stressed.
Who knew it?
Apologies for my return post being so spectacularly grey. Some things just need to be said out loud!
I’ve been struggling with stomach issues, badly, since November last year (although looking back over most of my life, there’s always been issues). So in an effort to feel better, I selectively cut things out of my diet and found that dairy free fixed it all – hooray! I was saved. Back to life, but with soy. I can do this.
Only, it wasn’t exactly fixed. And just under 2 weeks ago, it started again. But worse. The painful tummy, the sickness, the exhaustion. I found myself crawling into bed with a hot water bottle and a fear of meals again.
Unfortunately, my brain doesn’t function like a proper adult yet (I’m almost there…I swear!) and my solution was “Hey, I’ll just live off cereal!” Turns out, your body needs more than soy milk and Special K. Who knew?
It was after another doctors appointment that it was linked to stress – stress? I know I have a stressful job, but I’m 25 and I’m hearing the term “burnt out”? How is that even possible? But it did make sense. So here I am again, off work, waiting for my third gastro appointment and a camera down my throat for inspection. Goals.
The problem is, my entire life I’ve been an extremely anxious person. If I brush past you in the hallway and didn’t say hi in the brightest, nicest way possible – you best believe I’ll dwell on that shit for days, until I know for absolute sure it hasn’t made you hate me. And then probably once more in 8 years time, when my brain does a re-run of “Annoying Shit Kayleigh’s Done!”.
So the thought of being off work, again, ties me up in knots. Even typing this, my heart is racing, I feel sick and I’m yanking out my eyebrows (I’ve successfully removed most of my right eyebrow over the last few months, thank God for pencilling them in) and I feel like I could be sick. And I know it isn’t my fault, I know that this stress is making a problem flare up and that is not healthy, but gosh, do I have time to dwell or what?
This is then making my anxiety worse, causing more stress, and leading to an sleepless night, an early 5am start with thoughts I can’t rationalise. And an entire day in bed with my pains again.
It all seems to be an endless circle, something I need to get control of, and I know I will but I’d really like to know when. It doesn’t help that my gym sessions have dwindled, because my bones/muscles ache, my body is tired and needs proper food.
I just need to get a grip, get a routine, cut down on my foods (sensibly) and pray that this camera isn’t as bad as it sounds. Wish me luck, eh?
Have any of you guys suffered with stress or stress related illnesses? What helped you?